Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Get me out!

I was only home for a few hours when my son called and begged me to find a way to get him out.
I actually had felt better about the entire situation until that moment. I saw a fitness center and pictures of a calm peaceful atmosphere. I saw a recreation room surroundsound gaming and a large projector where they could play Xbox.
The dining hall looked nicer than the dining hall I had in college! Everything seemed better and he seemed calm and accepting of the situation.
But on the phone just now he sound desperate. I know now what they did not want me to see. Seven-year-old children who are severely autistic and banging their heads. Children choking other children, screaming, yelling, nurses with their hands so full that they can't even realize that Seth needs them too. Nobody has spoken to him and he is not the kind of kid who will ASK for help. He wants to conquer this on his own and tho I always encouraged that strength I see now that asking for help when you need it is ALSO a strength.

I suggested he go find a nurse and let the nurse know he
needed help. He needed a quiet room. He said he was not allowed to just go lay down in his own room, everything is very strict and structured there. I suppose that there were 100 questions that I did not ask when I signed those papers. I made sure that they made him a voluntary admissions so that he would never have an involuntary admission following him and his future. These are his permanent medical records. He still has a bright future ahead of him and I want to do everything possible to make that happen. But the other chaos that exists in admissions are driving him crazy. He is so desperate. He's begging me to find a way for him to get out. I called the nurse and I spoke to her about Seth. He's quiet, smart, extremely intelligent. Needs to be in a stress-free atmosphere. Cannot handle chaos. Tomorrow I will call the social worker and see what I can do. It should not take them more than a couple hours to see that he is different from these other children. His very presence is a calming presence. He is very Respectful and considerate. Very smart. I Don't believe he belongs in this place.
How could I have believed pictures of an empty fitness room and an Xbox screen so big it would fit my entire living room walls meant that it was a good place for my child? I should have known this place was filled children so disturbed they could not live at home. He is only there so we can pinpoint a diagnosis, he is not there because he's banging his head on walls, he is not there because he is unsafe.
It is 8 o'clock at night and I am at the school rehearsing my other sons school play. And helping my eight-year-old do homework. There's so much that I still have to do every day and I don't know how to rescue him. I want to ride there on my Whitehorse pull him from the building take him safely home and talking and his own bed. But I'm helpless. Honestly, this is not a feeling the mother can except. Tomorrow I'm going to save my child.

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