Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Mother Meets the Dalai Lama
My mother went to see the Dalai Lama recently. I was surprised, but she said that since her move to Florida she is taking advantage to do and see every "new" thing. She paid an extra fee to have a personal visit with His Holiness. He was sitting lotus position in a big easy chair. She said her entire being was washed over in this indescribable feeling of love. She told him that she had trouble with the whole thing, because she was a Christian. At the end he told her that she should not be troubled because there was one God loving us all. She asked him to look at a picture of my family. A portrait I had taken of me, Laura and our children. When he saw it he said "a kind family, a loving family." and then, he pointed to ME! And he said "I know her. I know her." and my mother said, "youve met her before?" and he said "I know her. She has a troubled heart. And you have trouble between you. It comes from childhood. Tell her it will heal." He said something about me viewing it from wrong perception. And he said that I would understand when my mother didnt. And I do. Because I understand the Buddhist perception. Its what I've been working on in therapy for 2 years now. How to stay on my path, even when faced with the worst. How to show love and compassion when extremely stressed and faced with things that are driving me to anger, to depression, fear, etc. I know why I am here. I know my path. I am blessed to know these things. But I go off path easily when I am misunderstood or when those around me refuse to hear truth or accept responsibility or do things without thought. Carelessness. Those things take me off path and lately I've had a hard time getting back on. I had questioned my therapist recently on how to show compassion to my mother without allowing her to hurt me. If I completely take her out of my life that means I cannot show her gods love and compassion. If I let her in...the results could be unpredictable. I need to meditate on what His Holiness said. How remarkable that she went. She said that she felt great peace after meeting with him. I know that feeling. I felt it always after sessions with my Swami. The pull to move to a place where my children can go to a temple or zen center has really been big for me lately. I find it hard to meditate and be at peace when I feel trapped here. Do I know the Dalai Lama? Of course I do. We are all one. There is no difference between any of us. We are all on different places on the same path. And we all have different "jobs" or experiences on that path. I am trying to learn the yoga of love. That is my yoga. Always show love, no matter what is shown to me. And sometimes, when someone is ignorant, thoughtless or cruel...I can give it back to them with such blunt honesty that its more cruel than anything else I could give. I may have a gift to see into people. But when they hurt me, I have used that gift to hurt them back. And lately I have not liked myself much for that. I may be so tired of being hurt that I have broken down and gotten off my path. But I think I just got a sign that its time to get my ass back on the trail.